Captured memories

Tomorrow isn't promised. Such a small phrase that packs a powerful punch. Even as I am reminded lately of how short and precious life can be I often find myself forgetting the little things. I asked for a "big girl" camera for Christmas and I got one. So now I am making it my goal to use it. To over use it. To make people sick of seeing pictures of my son and my life. I want to be able to look back on my journey and remember the little things. I want Bennett to be able to look back and see the memories he and I made before he could remember. Because he may never know it but all these little things he and I do everyday mean the world to me. I want tangible imagines for us both to remember. To cherish.

Stress less..overall happier and healthier me!

I stress. I stress about everything and anything. I stress about work. I stress about money. I stress about school. I stress about Bennett. I stress about my relationship. I stress about myself. I stress about everything. This said stressing has caused some problems over the years...nasty dirty habits like nail biting and jaw clenching. Stressing is pointless. It changes nothing and nine times out of then I am stressing about something that never actually becomes an issue. I vow to myself and the poor soles who take the blunt force of my stressing that I will in fact learn to stress less and better deal with stress.

Which brings me to my next point. I want to be healthier. Right right a new years resolution to lose weight?! Who ever hear of such a thing! But I promise you that is not what I'm doing. I'm less worried about the number on the scale and more so focused on the way I feel about myself. I want more out of life like being able run around with the boys and not be tired or find cute clothes without the struggle of it not being in my size. So far so good. I'm making better choices and started doing yhis satanic workout called insanity. And to prove I'm so focused on being healthy, I started the program and didn't get on a scale and still haven't. I just want to feel good for me. I couldn't care less what a scale says.

I'll tell you kids what attitude really is everything. I have been trying to be more positive and appreciative of the blessed life I have and when you focus on that and enjoy everyday....life is beautiful!

Better Mommy-ing

"Do more with Bennett"


I'll admit that sometimes I'm guilty to just getting though the days by keeping Bennett, my year old son, busy and quiet. He's a bit of a handful and always has been. I'm trying to remind myself that he's only going to be this age once and his little mind is absorbing everything. I need to spend more time with him, playing, reading and helping him grow and learn. Other things can wait, other things are less important. This is the time where it's important for him to learn, explore and right now he needs me to help him do that. There's some many things I can do with him to help him. I want to start setting time aside everyday to do things with him that help his development. He deserves more from me, he's here to learn and grow and not just get through each day.

That's something else I want to be better at. I need to learn to appreciate each day. Not just get through the day to get to the weekends or to whatever but appreciate each day and all the little things in it.

I am feeling so positive about the future and about the choices I am making.

Have more patience

Be Patient. Sometimes you have to go through the worst to get to the best. 

That is the lesson I am currently in the midst of learning; the painful, slow and humbling process that it is. This past year raising my son alone has been the hardest year of my life. He hasn't been the easiest child, he had colic and a few other medical problems and cried. A lot. There were many many sleepless nights filled with lots of tears from us both. Being a parent, increasingly so as a single parent, is the most trying on a persons patience. I am slowly learning it's okay to not always have it together and that I'm just going to lose my cool with my son. It's going to happen and it's okay. It's okay if I have a mommy melt down and need a few minutes to myself outside while he is screaming with all he has inside. It's okay to lose my patience sometimes. It's going to happen. But none the less this is an area I can improve on in a big way. I need to learn that in the moments where I lose it and the sounds of his screams and cries are piercing my ears and I'm on the verge of a full on mommy meltdown complete with tears and screaming.....to stop before I get there. Take a deep breath, go outside and breathe. Inhale the good exhale the bad. I need to learn I can't always control things and that too is okay. I'm learning that as hard as I may try life doesn't always go as planned. Actually rarely goes as planned and with the unplanned comes curve balls and plots twists. I'm starting to learn that those unplanned and unexpected things life throws my way are some of the sweetest and rewarding. I am learning to look forward to those moments and appreciate them as they come.

Life isn't always black and white. There's a lot of grey in there too.  

Purposeful 2015

I'm not a huge fan if "New Years Resolutions" so I'm not going to make a list of unrealistic goals to accomplish in the next 365 days. However, I want to make this next year a year of purpose. I want to make use of my time and accomplish things I've been putting off.  So here are my tasks of purpose.

A purposeful 2015

1.    Have more patience

2.    Do more with Bennett

3.    Stress less

4.    Be healthier

5.    Take more pictures

6.    Smile more

7.    Spend more time outside

8.    Graduate school

9.    Love more

10.  Be happy

These are the thing I strive for in the next  months. I hope to better me, for me and the people around me. 

Happy New Year to you and yours.